Wednesday, April 05, 2006

End of Line

End of Line >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I’m back in Seattle. It’s still cold and crappy. But I’m wiser and more worldly. I’ve gone deep into the heart of other cultures and explored the farthest reaches of the civilized world. I’ve amassed the kind of vast knowledge it would take a lesser man years to amass. For instance:

- Booze is the great equalizer. All cultures are the same when hammered.
- Europeans are all about boobs.
- There’s a Starbucks down the block. This is always true.
- Never trust a French chick.
- There are a lot of gay people.
- Australia is just the right amount of foreign.
- Never count on other people to have a sense of humor.

And, most importantly,

My kung fu is best.

That’s right. After a month of hacking into Dogpile’s servers and leaving behind digital breadcrumbs and words of wisdom (in delightful red text, check it out), Dogpile still hasn’t caught onto me. The stuffs still there. You just have to make the right search to find it. But I’ll make it easy for you guys who read my blog. You are my people, after all. Plug these words in, and you’ll get the clues to where I’ve hid the Dogpile goodies:

Seattle: Emmett
San Francisco: Marbled Godwit
Los Angeles: Buttram
Dallas: transhumanism
Boulder: shenanigans
Miami: chicks
London: Peanut Butter Jelly Time
Amsterdam: handcuffed
Berlin: sweet
Milan: Gisselle
Sydney: snuck
New Zealand: kiwi

If anybody finds any of the stuff I hid, let me know. Send me a picture of you and the thingy! Since I’ve taken “search” to the next, ultimate level, I want to know if anyone is actually up to it, or if I’m just ahead of my time. Dogpile clearly seemed to think so.

Though I guess I can’t be too hard on Dogpile. If it weren’t for them, I probably wouldn’t have had a reason to go on my worldwide tour of awesome. And I wouldn’t be the first person to take online search and expand it into the real world. And now, that’s probably what I’ll be remembered for. Not that I don’t have equally bitchin’ stuff I’m working on, but, you know, famous people are always remembered for one thing, and not necessarily their best work. Though this was pretty cool.

I had a lot of fun, all things considered. You can’t even imagine the stuff I didn’t tell you about. Like the, um, indecent proposal in Miami or my run-in with the man in Dallas. I’m not going to go into that stuff, you’ll just have to guess the details.

And who knows? Maybe I’ll go on another trip again soon. I’m afraid I might go stir crazy staying in one place, now. I may be a wanderer at heart. With my laptop, I can work on my projects from anywhere, so I can be kind of a gypsy hacker. That would be cool.

You know what I am? I’m the virtual/reality hub. I am the waypoint between the digital and the real. Metaphorically. Does that make any sense? What I mean is, I put the wisdom of the internet to use in the real world, and infuse the internet with real world wisdom. In a way, I am the internets mighty fist. I am its instrument. It’s like my destiny, I bet.

The people are bright and certain,
Where I am dim and confused;
The people are clever and wise,
Where I am dull and ignorant;
Aimless as a wave drifting over the sea,
Attached to nothing.

The people are busy with purpose,
Where I am impractical and rough;
I do not share the peoples' cares
But I am fed at nature's breast.

(That’s LaoTze, by the way.)

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