Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Auckland >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

NZ…where the men are men and the sheep are careful! Actually, I was told not to say that to a Kiwi, especially when drunk. Which means I haven’t spoken to anyone since I got here. OH NO HE DI’N’T!

Amin naa e’ened kemen, y’all! So, check it, I’m in Middle Earth! I’ve been calling all the short people I see “hobbitses” in my Gollum voice. Let me tell you, that gets you some dirty looks! :-D Except I don’t think they actually filmed the movies in Auckland. I thought about taking one of those LotR tours, but I don’t think I can stay here all that long. It’s been the better part of a day and I can’t seem to find an ATM anywhere. But that’s cool. I still think Star Wars (original three, non-special editions) is the better trilogy. You can try to argue all you want, but you’re wrong. Eat it.

There’s not a lot to do here. Weather is still that weird, sub-equatorial kind of crappy. It’s raining, but really warm. I checked some tourist pamphlets, and this place is pretty dull. I‘m definitely not going to some place called “Sheepworld.” That sounds like the most disappointing theme park ever. (Maybe it’s a singles bar. Snap!) Don’t really care about the America’s Cup village, which is conveniently located not in America. What’s up with that? They’ve got the tallest building in the southern hemisphere here. Big frickin’ whoop. What else you got in the southern hemisphere, anyway? Other than Australia, just part of Africa, South America and Antarctica. So, they coulda built a waterslide and it would have been the tallest. That would be one awesome water slide, though.

This whole place is surrounded by volcanoes. They’re supposed to be dormant, but it still makes me nervous. I wonder which one they used for Mount Doom in the movie. Someone could probably make a living just collecting all the rings the tourist fanboys drop into the volcanoes here! Hey, wait a minute. You don’t think…

Noooooo! Mr. T! Think about the kids! :-D

Not sure why New Zealanders call themselves “Kiwis.” They named themselves after small, flightless, nocturnal birds. Or, perhaps, the small, fuzzy fruit named after the small, flightless, nocturnal birds. What kind of self-image does a person have to have to do that? They might as well call themselves “Newzies.” Ha ha. N00z!

I feel kind of sad that my long, strange trip is coming to an end. I’ve already hid my last Dogpile item. I went a ways out to hide it. I’m not all that gay for scenery, but there are places here, when you get out of the city, are pretty awesome.

Though I guess there would have to be… they filmed Xena here! Does that make me Autolycus, king of theives? Yes. Yes it does.

This is what I see every time I close my eyes.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get back to Seattle. Look for work, I guess. Unless Dogpile wants me back. They may want to arrest me for stealin’ all their crap. I don’t know, maybe I’ll just keep tourin’, cuz man, I really don’t want to deal with the real world again. The real world sucks. Scare Bears represent, yo.

Hey, if anybody reading this has any good leads on a company that might be looking for IT or programming staff, let me know. Hell, Microsoft is having problems with the new version of Office. They could probably use me! :-P

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