Monday, March 27, 2006


Sydney >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Well, Europe was fun, but I’m almost out of stuff, so I thought I’d take the long puddle jump over to Australia before I’m all done. The flight was like being in Airport ’75 redux – extended version…how many peanuts I ate, only my colon knows for sure.

Warmer weather, funny animals and people who speak English. It’s actually kinda cloudy and rainy here, but still really warm. So that’s cool. But it’s not really beach weather, which sux. The beaches here are top-optional. Awwww, yeah. You know it had to be a guy who came up with that rule. I’d like to get some of that action while it’s free, if you know what I mean!

This place is really pretty awesome. The sucky weather isn’t really a prob, since my complexion is like space- ghost white. I'd probably be covered in blisters from falling asleep on these big sandy shark-infested beaches.

Leave it to the British to find a country nicer than their own and turn it into a prison. Stupid limeys! They should have moved here and left the convicts in England. They could have snuck out in the middle of the night and not told anybody.

I’m disappointed that there aren’t kangaroos and wallabies and shit running around the city. I guess they’re in more rural areas. But there’s some crazy-ass birds here. Free-roaming cockateels! They must have really lax security at the pet stores here! :-D I saw some ibis, too. Neat. Also some other weird birds I didn’t recognize. I wonder why a new species of human didn’t evolve here, considering all the animals are outta the Lost World.

There is one place you can find kangaroos and wallabies… the restaurants! Holy crap! No, I don’t want to eat ostrich, dickweed! I guess you gotta use what you have, right? If the country was filled with yak, they’d eat yak. That would make me yak. Womp womp. See how I did that there?

There’s a science museum here with a cool exhibit on computers, but they also have an exhibit on Kylie Minogue. I guess in Australia, they consider Kylie Minogue to be the height of technology! Not that I wouldn’t mind having one of those plugged in in my living room!

I wonder if they make one in Debbie Gibson?

Speaking of which, pretty much every city I’ve visited so far has a “gay neighborhood.” (Yes, I noticed. Shut up.) Do all cities have these? Even, like, Salt Lake City? Or Lancaster? Vatican City? If anyone knows, write in! I’m curious. (Shut up!!)

Of all the stuff I nabbed from Dogpile, this is probably the meanest… but I figure if Doug (I think these are Doug’s) left these on his desk overnight, they’re probably not all that important. They’re probably not to his house or car. And hey, Doug, you have an excuse to go on vacation now! Australia’s really cool. You can thank me later.
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