Thursday, March 09, 2006


London >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

We’ve gone INTERNATIONAL, BABY!! I think people are starting to figure out my game, so I thought I’d step it up a notch and go “across the pond!” Plus, I’ve never been to Europe before. The weather reminds me of home. And the accents are hilairous!

Even getting food is fun here. I ordered “spotted dick” just to see if they would really serve it. THEY DID! I couldn’t eat it, though. Gross. I’ll have to order “bangers and mash” before I leave. I don’t even know what that is.

Check it out! I saw London’s famous giant dildo! ROFFL! I remember this from one of the new Dr. Who's I torrented. I love the funny little clown cars they drive here. If someone snuck a Land Rover or a Hummer over here, it would be like a monster truck show. With funnier accents.

I’ve asked a few people if they know where I can buy some albatross. No one seems to get it. Where’s the national pride?

I actually had a weird thing happen while I was checking out a pub. A British guy asked me who I was rooting for in the World Cup, 'cause I think he was looking to mess with tourists. He was probably expecting me to say the US, but I told him in the states, soccer is considered ghey. He got mad and they asked me to leave. I think they felt emasculated. Pussies.

Stopped by Buckingham Palace. That was pretty cool. If anyone is keeping a log of things that don’t work on the guards, heres some to add:

- Asking if they have Prince Albert in a can
- Offering them a crunchy frog
- Peanut Butter Jelly Time
- Page 3 of the Sun (Why don’t our newspapers have this? Greatest nation my ass.)

The NamcoStation here is 'bloody wicked!' It’s a lot like GameWorks back home, but with bumper cars and gambling and probably hookers
if you look hard enough. Rocked my socks.

Went to another palace to hide the Super Happy Monkey Award I made for myself. For those of you just tuning in, these are awards they hand out at Dogpile. I don’t know what the monkey or the racecar is about, but I like it. I didn’t get one during my time, but I nabbed some of the materials when I left. Made myself a couple. Guess I probably should have stashed this in Miami, at the Monkey Jungle. That would have been better. Man, I always get good ideas too late.

Why the hell is there a Washington Monument in England? I guess everyone was kinda British back then.



Miami >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now this is what I’m talkin' about! Tropical weather and Spring Break 365 days of the year! Turns out that last part isn’t true. But I did hit the beach to scout out some camel toads. Man oh Manos! Got really sunburned, too. That doesn’t happen in Seattle.

This place is teh cr4zy! There was a big Mardi Gras party goin’ on when I arrived on friday. I’m pretty sure Mardi Gras was the previous tuesday, but I guess that’s how they roll here. (Internationally recognized Gregorian time demarcations? For pussies) Wyclef Jean was playing, which was pretty cool. Lotsa hot chicks, too. Though some of them may have been guys. I think they should have to tell you if they are, like undercover cops.

Hit all the important hot spots. Like the Alienware store. (The Area-51 ALX? Awesome.) Went to a place called “Monkey Jungle.” They have a lot of monkeys there. Saw some monkeys swimming. I mentioned to some of the staff that they should dress up some monkeys in clothes, but they didn’t seem receptive to that. It would be a good draw IMHO. Where else are you going to see live monkeys dressed up? Just the circus, and circuses are fuckin creepy.

Also hit the World Chess Hall of Fame. Pretty badass. But Deep Blue isn’t in there. Deep Blue pwned Kasparov in ’97, bitches! You better represent! (Kasparov isn't in there, either. Probably because he got served by a computer.)

Okay, Dogpilers, my latest spoil of war is hidden and waiting. This one’s got some pretty interesting conversations on it. Slightly drunk conversations. Bruce, Deana, I’m looking at you.

Oh, and thanks to everyone whose sent me their support on this. I appreciate the offers to hide stuff in your town, but I gotta keep this stealth. I don’t want anyone to know where this stuff is but me. If you want it, you gotta find it. Nobody gets a free ride!

P.S. Gwerdna, I salute you.

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