Thursday, March 02, 2006


Boulder >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I’m in Boulder. Whoop-de-friggin-doo. I came here because I knew I could crash on the couch of one of my Warcraft buddies. Dude looks out for a brotha! Respekt!

Boulder’s an outdoorsy place. Not really my thing, and its pretty damn cold, so I don’t know what the hell to do. Man, I’m not having much luck with weather on this trip. I really should have gone to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Caught me some of that bead action.

Thought about going to check out NORAD, or the real South Park, but my buddy doesn’t want to drive all that way. Whatever.
This city is surrounded by moutains, which is kinda freaky. I guess as long as they’re not volcanic and they’re aren’t any inbred mountain men, it’s okay. But I can’t help but think, perfect place for an ambush.

Dug through my sack of Dogpile goodies and braved the weather to drop it in a good spot. Woulda held onto this one, but I’ve already got one at home. “Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler…….”

Y’know, I got an IM from Bob at Dogpile. At least some of the peeps are aware of my shenanigans. And apparently Diane is pissed off about her missing speakers. Hey, Diane! Maybe you shoulda gone out to get coffee with me, huh?! You cross a h4X0r, you’re gonna get pwned, baby! (Call me.)



Dallas >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It was raining in Dallas, but still kinda wet-blankety. It felt like the kind of place that would be warm during a nuclear winter.

So, Texas. Home of Dell. And the president. Y’know, I thought Dubya was pretty cool at first. Like the black sheep of the family who turns into a swan. But now he’s pissing on cloning and stuff. FTS, man. (Seems hes also against animal-human hybrids now. I didn’t even know anyone was working on that.)

I’ll bet he’s against cybernetic enhancement and the whole transhumanism thing, too. What a n00bian. You know what they say, if you outlaw cyborgs, only criminals will have cyborgs.

I went to the consipiracy museum here! Man, those guys are really hung up on the JFK assassination. Get over it folks, it’s over. They didn’t have anything there about the Illuminati. Which, now that I think of it, is probably proof that they exist. Bet they have cyborgs! :-D

Made the drop of the latest Dogpile artifact while I was out looking for a place to get chow. This little baby's got some pretty juicy stuff on it. Jerry, you might want to get your boys on this one before the local hooligans find it.


Los Angeles

Los Angeles >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Well, I said I wanted warmer climes. Sweet Jeebus was it hot in LA. Seattle could use weather like that. Though all the angry garage bands wouldn’t be so angry anymore. It could ruin the local economy! :-D

Swimming Pools, Movie Stars. I saw one of the Swayzes walking his dog! At least I think it was a Swayze. Been a while since I’ve seen Steel Dawn. I suppose it could have been Dennis Quaid. Or maybe someone not famous. But I think it was a Swayze. No Debbie, tho.

Visited Shatner’s star on the Walk of Fame! w00t! And a star for someone named “Pat Buttram!” BUTT RAM! ROFFL! I think Pat should have changed his name before he became famous!

Went to the Chinese Theater – it doesn’t show kung fu movies! What’s up with that? I think that’s false advertising. Saw “Firewall” instead. The computer stuff was pretty much the typical Hollywood n00b crap, but it’s definitely the be
st of the Harrison-Ford-Saves-His-Family series. Surprising lack of firewalls, tho. They should have called it “Ipod.” “Harrison Ford in…. Ipod!”

Aaaaaaanold kicks ass! But would YOU vote for an evil robot from the future sent to enslave humanity? That’s the sort of question you have to think about these days.

Anyway, I found a nice spot to unload another Dogpile trinket. I’ll give you a hint for this one: Ann Darrow Lesbian Scene! Awwwwww, yeah.

Y’know, seeing the Swayze walking his dog got me thinking… It’s called Dogpile. People probably surf to the site all the time thinking it’s about pets or something. So how about this for a new business plan: every search comes with a picture of adorable puppies! That’ll get the girls a coo-ie! It’ll help distinguish Dogpile from all the other search engines. And the pictures can tie into your search. So if you search for, say, “Andy Richter,” you’ll get this:

Or if you search “Kid Rock Sex Tape,” I guess you’d get this:


Yeah, it’s silly, but there’s totally a market out there for this. Mis amigo’s at Dogpile, you can have this one for free. And I’ve got more where that came from! IM me, okay? But I won’t tell you where your stuff is yet. You gotta earn that. L8r!

dancing with the stars
dancing with the stars Counter dancing with the stars
dancing with the stars Counter