Monday, March 20, 2006

Milan

Milan >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wow. What a dump. I thought Italy was all funny little boats, mafiosos and Monica Bellucci. And Milan is supposed to be one of those fashion capitals…I didn’t see one Gisselle look-alike! Not even at the café interneto. Which was just a fancy name for Guido’s Trattoria with a DSL line at the bar.

"Interneto." Italians can just stick an 'o' at the end of words and then they're magically Italian words.


It’s still cold and I’m pretty bored. The post-olympic spirit didn’t seem to hit here… not since the early greeks by all I can tell. It was probably a lot more festive when Gladiator came out on DVD. Leave it to an Aussie (Ridley Scott) and a kiwi (Russel "the phone's for you!" Crowe) to make an epic about the Roman empire.

I did the tourist thing and hit a museum to kill some time. They had a big section on Da Vinci’s inventions. He invented all kinds of crazy stuff. Machine guns and crossbows and proto-cars and helicopters and shit. And Batman’s suit, apparently. And the airport best-seller! Can’t forget that. (That book says he was tight with the Illuminati! Man, he was one bad mofo. Shut yo’ mouth! I’m just talkin’ about Da Vinci!)

Y’know, it seems weird that he came up with so much stuff that was actually practical and ahead of its time. Didn’t he have any bad ideas? I wonder if he had drawings of rennaisance versions of sporks and 8-track and webTV and stuff, but they just don’t show that because no one wants to see that crap. :-)

It’s even harder to understand people here. I thought European school systems were so superior that everyone knows five languages or something. But there’s not so much English goin’ on over here. I mean, I can speak high school Spanish, is it too much to expect some high school english from these guys? I mean, higho schoolo englisho.

The pizza here isn’t even all that fancy. They should open a CPK over here. That would rock.

While I'm on a roll, what’s the deal with Italians being uptight about stereo- types? What’s so bad about having everyone think you’re a total bad ass with money and guns and cannolis? That sounds good to me. A guy like me has to work really hard to get that kind of image. But if I was Italian, I’d be granted it by birth. That’s the kind of status you can’t buy right there. But really, if Italians don’t want to be stereotyped, stop getting jobs in Hollywood! Scorcese, Coppolla, Gandolfini. The only people who perpetrate the stereotype are Italians! It’s your own damn fault, Guido! Fuggedaboudit!

Just because I’m feeling extra bitter, I’m really hid Diane’s iPod speakers somethin’ fierce. Good luck finding these! I even had to come up with a makeshift shovel to make this one good and difficult.

Now it's time for What Did Bill Gates Say Now?: “The last thing you want to do for a shared use computer is have it be something ... with a tiny little screen.” Oh yeah? Do I need to bring this up again?

And then he said "Get a decent computer where you can actually read the text and you're not sitting there cranking the thing while you're trying to type.” Then how do you explain this, Bill?

*snort!* :-D

Oh, yeah, before anybody asks, no, I didn’t get invited to Brangelina’s wedding, even though I was totally in the neighborhood.

http://andylandrews.blogspot.com

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey asswipe - i think you mean GISELE not GISSELLE. unless you're spanking it to border collies.

9:51 AM  

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